It's 6:04 in the morning and for some good reasons, I can't get back to sleep. I've been reflecting on my feelings towards him. And since I can never express how much I long for him, I'll just write it all here and let my true feelings flow through my fingers.
I never thought that knowing you would be this fun. At first, I was hesitant. I kept ignoring you. It was just a waste of time, I thought. But you kept on texting me. And so I did I respond to your text messages. And everyday it became a habit. I' wake up in the morning, look at my phone, and see a text message from you. Your texts every morning, lunch, afternoon, even in the evening, complete my day. In the process of knowing you, I found a friend whom I can confide all of my feelings. The time when I was raging in anger because I failed my Math exam, you were there to help me gather up myself. For the times when we would just text each other of what we're doing. I never thought we would be this close. We started teasing each other. Well, it was just nothing to me. But as I've known you more and more, I knew that there is something more to this feeling I have for you. Is this mutual? I didn't know that time whether it is or it isn't. I was just blissful of the things that might happen. Or maybe those were just my illusions. You see, when I was at the peak of this so called "love fever", you started ignoring me. That was really painful for me. I've never been rejected ...and yet here you are, rejecting me for some reasons I don't know. I kept denying to myself that at least I didn't give in to these feeling. But I was wrong. Little did I know, everytime I see you and not being able to speak to you, was really heart breaking. I never shed a tear for you yet as I am writing this, I am crying . I really miss you. I diverted my attention to other things I know which are more important still I can never take you off my mind. In school, pretty boys are everywhere yet I still end up liking you. Why of all people, the one I choose to like is that one person who hurt me. There are a lot of other prospects out there, yet I focused myself on you. Pathetic, that's me. I had this filler just for you. The things that are written there are those of which I should have texted to you on that specific day. All those messages that meant a lot to me where all stored in a folder in my phone. When I was in a guitar shop, I bought a pik that was meant to be gift for you. And I still don't know whether to give it to you or not. And as I was compiling all of the pictures for this year, I realized that we had so many pictures together. See how pathetic I am. I am hopeless. I am helpless. How could I be so blind. I've known a lot of girls who have fallen for you yet end up getting hurt. And now, I'm one of them. A friendship has been wasted. I wish I could move on. Forget everything that has happened and start a new chapter in my life.
Psalm 147:3 May I find peace in Your Word.
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